Ten Tips to Deal with Difficult People
by Dr. Maynard Brusman Friday, October 15, 2010
Dr. Maynard Brusman is the president of Working Resources, a leadership development and executive coaching firm specializing in working with law firms and lawyers. We help companies and law firms assess, select, coach, and retain emotionally intelligent people. He is a highly sought-after speaker and workshop leader. He facilitates high performance leadership retreats. He specializes in working with senior level executives and attorneys.
Full Bio
Are you stressed out dealing with difficult people at work? If you are, then may benefit by learning some emotional intelligence interpersonal communication strategies.
The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them. Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. They can be demanding and exhausting causing a great deal of distress for everyone involved. Interacting and dealing with these people can be a major cause of employee lack of engagement.
My coaching clients frequently share stories with me of how someone at work is difficult. We spend a lot of time mostly through asking powerful questions devising communication strategies that might be more effective. That old definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result applies. You have to learn to change your language and communication. Interpersonal conflict in the workplace is common, and can be healthy if handled in the right way. However, a lot of my clients avoid dealing with difficult people because they don’t feel they have the power to do anything about the situation, don’t have the skills to resolve difficult interactions, or fear potential political consequences.
The following are some emotional intelligence tips that my executive coaching clients have found helpful when dealing with difficult people at their workplace.
1. Change Yourself: Attempting to control other people’s behavior usually doesn’t work. Change yourself in relation to them. Refocus your energy on experimenting with how to find more productive means of interaction.
2. Listen with Empathy: Listening actively with empathy to gain understanding.
3. Feel the Pain: Elicit and acknowledge the other’s feelings regarding areas of conflict.
4. Challenge Perceptions: Discuss each other’s perceptions and look for opportunities to alter those perceptions.
5. Reconcile Interests: Focus on each person’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Reconciling interests rather than positions works toward resolution.
6. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person: Work hard to understand what the actual problem is and generate possibilities for resolving it. Be careful about making assumptions about their behavior. Be respectful.
7. Reduce Reactivity: When faced with a difficult person we often react quickly. Take time to think and remain focused on identifying the real needs and interests of the other person and yourself. Take a deep breath and count to ten before engaging.
8. Use Conflict as a Resource: Conflict can be a first step to improving communication, solving a problem, and even building trust and cooperation. Avoiding conflict can be much more destructive in the workplace than facing it and dealing with it appropriately.
9. Practice Direct Communication: Use “I” statements and be clear about points of agreement. Use appropriate body language to show support and attention. Ask powerful problem-solving questions.
10. Focus on the Future: Don’t promote your ideas but engage in a joint conflict resolution conversation.
Listening to and showing respect for the people we work with makes everyone happier. Focus on creating a fear-free, down-to-earth work environment that fosters creativity and energy. See reality clearly, but choose to address it positively. Perceive opportunities, not obstacles. Lead with values, optimism and fairness.
The workplace is full of difficult people who can make your life miserable if you let them. Difficult people come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. They can be demanding and exhausting causing a great deal of distress for everyone involved. Interacting and dealing with these people can be a major cause of employee lack of engagement.
My coaching clients frequently share stories with me of how someone at work is difficult. We spend a lot of time mostly through asking powerful questions devising communication strategies that might be more effective. That old definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result applies. You have to learn to change your language and communication. Interpersonal conflict in the workplace is common, and can be healthy if handled in the right way. However, a lot of my clients avoid dealing with difficult people because they don’t feel they have the power to do anything about the situation, don’t have the skills to resolve difficult interactions, or fear potential political consequences.
The following are some emotional intelligence tips that my executive coaching clients have found helpful when dealing with difficult people at their workplace.
1. Change Yourself: Attempting to control other people’s behavior usually doesn’t work. Change yourself in relation to them. Refocus your energy on experimenting with how to find more productive means of interaction.
2. Listen with Empathy: Listening actively with empathy to gain understanding.
3. Feel the Pain: Elicit and acknowledge the other’s feelings regarding areas of conflict.
4. Challenge Perceptions: Discuss each other’s perceptions and look for opportunities to alter those perceptions.
5. Reconcile Interests: Focus on each person’s needs, desires, concerns, and fears. Reconciling interests rather than positions works toward resolution.
6. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person: Work hard to understand what the actual problem is and generate possibilities for resolving it. Be careful about making assumptions about their behavior. Be respectful.
7. Reduce Reactivity: When faced with a difficult person we often react quickly. Take time to think and remain focused on identifying the real needs and interests of the other person and yourself. Take a deep breath and count to ten before engaging.
8. Use Conflict as a Resource: Conflict can be a first step to improving communication, solving a problem, and even building trust and cooperation. Avoiding conflict can be much more destructive in the workplace than facing it and dealing with it appropriately.
9. Practice Direct Communication: Use “I” statements and be clear about points of agreement. Use appropriate body language to show support and attention. Ask powerful problem-solving questions.
10. Focus on the Future: Don’t promote your ideas but engage in a joint conflict resolution conversation.
Listening to and showing respect for the people we work with makes everyone happier. Focus on creating a fear-free, down-to-earth work environment that fosters creativity and energy. See reality clearly, but choose to address it positively. Perceive opportunities, not obstacles. Lead with values, optimism and fairness.